Do you HATE God?

This is a real life testimony of Hatred toward God! This is how some non Christians view Jesus! But most of all for some this is reality! You don’t like the thought of even being a Christian or you hate the word Church! Well how does God feel about all that’s happened to you? The truth is he cares! I pray that everyone that reads this that their eyes are opened believer or not! You may feel like this guy did! I pray for you to let God do a miracle in your life! Ask and you shall receive! Thanks Jason! This really rocked me to the core, reality is a beast! What has God ever done for me? I’ve never killed anyone. I’ve never raped anyone. I’ve never robbed a bank or stolen a car. Yeah – I’ve hurt a few people, but they hurt me first! They deserve what they got! You’ve hurt me, God, from the day I was born. I had no father or mother to raise me. I went from foster home to foster home as though I was just a cheap piece of rubbish. No one ever really loved me. Sandy was the only one who ever really loved me, and you let her get cancer and die on me. God, I hate you so much.You even let Molly get ran over by a car. Remember that, God? Molly was my friend’s pet dog, and Molly loved me more than she loved Sam, her owner. Molly would come over and beg me to pet her and play with her. She was the only one I could really talk to. She was the only one I could really trust. She never turned her back on me like everyone else has. And you let her get run over God. You took my only true friend, and I hate you for that too!Remember that time my mom called me and asked if I would meet her at that restaurant? She wanted to see what I looked like all grown up. I waited there at that restaurant, God, but mom never showed up. She never ever even called back to tell me what happened. I prayed and asked you to have her call me and tell me why she never showed up, but you wouldn’t even have her do that!Sandy and me were good together, God. She had been hurt her whole life just like me. She understood me, and I understood her. We had plans to marry as soon as we could get some money together. When I held her in my arms, I felt like nothing else in the world mattered. My hurt would go away and her’s would go away too. You took that away from me God, and I’ll hate you forever for taking her away from me. Why did you have to let her die?I used to dream that she would come to me at night. I swear I could hear her in my room sometimes, calling my name, after she died. I prayed and asked you to let me see her, but you wouldn’t even let me see her, even though I begged you to. I could feel her there sometimes … I know she was there beside me – but you wouldn’t let me see her. You are so cruel, God.Look at the mess this world is in? People killing people over nothing. People strung out on drugs and killing each other for it. What kind of God are you to make people do things like this? Babies starving in other countries and disease is killing people like no tomorrow. People killing people because of their hatred over religious beliefs and people blowing themselves up thinking that you are going to reward them in heaven for it? This is crazy, God, and I think you are crazy too. You’re crazy, God, that’s what you are – mad crazy!And remember that time I went into that church to talk to you? I really wanted to know if you really are real, or people just believe in you because they need something to believe in. I gave you a chance to prove to me that you are real, and nothing happened. I even got down on my knees and asked you to somehow show me you are real, and nothing happened. Nothing! I don’t think you are real, even. If you were, you would answer me right now. Are you a coward, God, or just think you’re too important to let me know you are real or not? Yet I want you to be real so you can know how much I hurt. I want you to hurt just like I hurt. I want you to hurt worse! I don’t deserve to hurt this way. Why did you let me be born in the first place? Just to hurt like this? You are so cruel and mean. Religious nuts say you died on a cross for my sins. They claim you even rose again and went to heaven after you died. Well, if that is so, why didn’t you let Sandy come back to life? Those religious nuts claim you healed people before you died – why didn’t you heal Sandy before she died? She asked you to heal her, but you didn’t. I don’t think you healed nobody. I don’t think you even died. I don’t think you even existed. You’re just a fairytale lie some religious nuts have come up with so they can get money out of poor people. That’s what I think. So you going to send me to hell for hating you, God? How can hell be any worse than the hell I’ve lived my whole life? I don’t want to live anymore, God. I want to get it all over with because I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of the pain. I want you to hurt like I’m hurting God. You don’t even care if I hurt, do you God?My child …if you could only see the tears I’ve shed for you since your birth, and multitudes like you. If you could only know how much my heart really aches when people start hating me as much as you hate me. If you really knew …My child … don’t you think I knew the heartache you were going to experience before I allowed you to even be born? Do you think I delighted in knowing the hurt and pain you were going to experience during your lifetime? You are so wrong if you think I delight in such pain. Don’t you think I’m aware of how much evil is on the earth? Do you think I’m blind to it? Do you think I’m going to allow evil to continue forever? No I’m not. I have a plan in motion to take care of evil, and I have promised the people of earth in the holy scriptures that I will execute that plan exactly the way I planned it from the beginning. Stop listening to what others think about the bible, and read it for yourself. Find out for yourself what my plan is to cleanse earth of the evil you see around you.Do you realize I gave you a choice to hate me? To love me? To believe in me or not believe in me? Why would you think I gave you that free choice? Because I wanted to make you miserable? Would you have wanted me to make you a robot, and program you to believe what I, your creator, wanted you to only believe? That’s not love. That is control. That would be every bit as evil as any other evil is. True love allows others to believe what they want to believe, not control what they believe. Suppose I had healed Sandy’s cancer. Would that have caused you to stop hating me? I can tell you it would not have. You have hated me from your childhood because you did not have your birth parents to raise you. You worship hate, if the truth be known. Hate is your god, and you don’t even realize it. You demand your right to hate me, and I have given you that right – that choice. You are given the right to hate me for all eternity, and life doesn’t end after you die. It continues forever. I cannot lie either – if you carry your hate into eternity, there will be no changing it. It will only intensify as will the hurt and pain it brings. Many have surrendered their hate to me and you can too, if you only will make the decision to do so before you die. I can perform a miracle in you that you can’t comprehend right now. I can cause all your hate to die and put an appreciation for life in you that is beyond your wildest comprehension. You will begin to understand things like you’ve never understood them before. You will begin to treasure talking to me and trusting me to work things out in your life like you’ve never known before. I am not lying. I am a miracle working God, because I’m God. Yet I will never force you or anyone else to stop hating me. I will not force you to love me. I have given you the right - the power - to continue hating me, or start loving me.You’ll never learn to truly love me until you allow me to begin to help you understand what my Son accomplished for you on the cross. I realize you don’t want to hear this, but everyone will be judged according to how they responded to my Son dying on the cross for their sins. That was decreed before the foundation of the world. I would be lying to tell you otherwise, and lying is never love.Are you afraid to love me, or is it just more enjoyable to hate me than love me? I reveal myself to those who want to love me and please me, not hate me. I have feelings too -- please know that. The choice is yours, my child. I already know what my choice is. I want to think joyous thoughts about you every moment through eternity. I want you to allow me to transform you into a miracle creation beyond anything you can possibly imagine. I want to set you free from hate and fill you with love for your creator. When you pass from this life to the next, I desire that you look forward to seeing me face to face with eager expectation – not shaking your fist at me and venting more anger and hate. What pleasure will that bring me? What joy for any amount of time will that bring you, when you realize that I will not have anyone in my kingdom who hates me. Those who pass into the next life hating me will go to a kingdom where hate is their ruler. If only you would believe how much I do not want you, or anyone else, to go to that kingdom. You have no idea what anguish of soul is until you are there in that kingdom. I desire to have you in my kingdom, where there is joy forevermore and anguish cannot be. Please, my child, turn from you anger and hate … before it is too late. Please.

Made Brand NEW!

This is the last post of Cindy Bealls story! I pray it has put HOPE into some of your hearts! JESUS CAN FIX ANYTHING PERIOD! I remember telling my husband many, many weeks after his confession something that he couldn’t believe. We had been walking out our new life the best we knew how. We had embraced our new surroundings and jobs. We had begun to heal. And I told him that if I had the choice to go back to our old life, that I wouldn’t do it. He was pretty surprised to hear me say that. I mean, after all the pain his actions caused me, here I am telling him that I’m thankful that I endured it so that we could have what we have now.
Our pastor, Craig, preached to our congregation at the Edmond Campus about Chris’ confession and told them “we are going to believe God that they will be better than new”. He wasn’t kidding. Neither were they. We are so better than new. We are better than we ever imagined. We are better than anybody thought we’d ever be.
Chris and I are best friends and our marriage is blessed with an increasing passion for each other. (Ahem) We have had countless opportunities to minister to couples and individuals who are walking through similar challenges. (I expect this to increase as I’ve recently finished writing a book of a more detailed account of our journey.) Chris’ son has become one of the greatest blessings to our family. My relationship with his mother is so extraordinary that many jaws hit the floor when I describe it. Chris’ influence and impact at LifeChurch.tv continues to humble him as he never thought he’d ever participate in ministry again. Most importantly, my heart is full. My cup runneth over. I have a man who adores me and isn’t afraid to show it. And my trust in him is growing daily.
There are many things I don’t know in life. I don’t understand algebra. Just don’t get all that abstract math. I don’t get how a heavy airplane can stay up in the sky and not fall to the ground. I know it’s about jets and thrust and stuff like that, but it still doesn’t make sense to me. I wish I knew why innocent people have to suffer. If I did, I’d bottle up the formula to fix their problems and give it away. Don’t know lots of things.
But, here’s what I do know.
According to the Bible, I serve a big God. He created the Universe in less than a week. He formed mountains and scooped out valleys with His hands. He is everywhere, all the time. He can change a heart with the snap of his fingers. He can bring sight to a blind man with some dirt and saliva. He can part a sea and allow his people to cross on dry land. He can make walls fall down with the blast of a trumpet. He can keep a man from being eaten by lions. He can bring forth a child through a virgin. He can turn a Pharisee into a martyr for Christ. He can transform a fisherman into a minister of the gospel. He brings peace that no one can explain. He is truly a remarkable God. My marriage is living proof.
I remember asking God one day how He was going to take this awful situation and use it for His good (Romans 8:28). Tears were streaming down my face and I had no idea how I would survive this. God spoke ever so gently to my heart and here is what He said:
God: Remember when you told me that you would go through anything in order to bring glory to my name?
Me: Uh-huh, sniff, sniff.
God: I’m taking you up on your offer.
Trust Him.
He is faithful and loving and kind and tender and good and miraculous and amazing. He will carry you when you can walk no more and He will strengthen you when you need to make the journey. He is true to His word and will do what He says he is going to do. I promise because He promises and He does not disappoint.

LET THE HEALING BEGIN!

Here is part for to Cindy Beall Story of Christ restoring her marriage! Tomorrow I will list the final post of her story so tune back in! The morning I woke up to head back to Oklahoma from Texas was the first morning in weeks that peace was upon me. Actually, peace covered me like a blanket and let me tell you, it was well received. While it was only a few weeks in the pit of despair, it felt like a lifetime.
Chris greeted us with open arms and a warm home. He’d spent that week grieving himself and hoping his wife would return to give it another shot. We were about to embark on the most difficult road ever…the road to healing and restoration.
While there were plenty who were skeptical of Chris’ heart, he proved to be the real deal. Many men in his situation might have waited to find a “better” job…one more comparable to his previous one. Chris, on the other hand, only wanted to provide for his family doing whatever was necessary. He began selling 2X4’s at a local home improvement store and did that successfully for 18 months.
It is not by accident that I landed a part-time position at LifeChurch.tv just six weeks after Chris’ resignation. I was around the lead pastors on a daily basis and I’m sure my face was a litmus test as to the condition of our marriage. Not only that, but these amazing men and our congregation, led by our senior pastor, Craig Groeschel, supported and loved us from day one. Many ministers who fall into this type of sin end up next to the curb. Even though it was difficult, my pastor and friend took the narrow road for which I am forever grateful.
Chris began to build back my trust in him. He was accountable to a few and never once got defensive when I needed to share how I felt. As we endured the pain and the consequences of his actions, I committed to God that I would not throw Chris’ sin back in his face. Frankly, I didn’t need to…the man lived in brokenness. And still, to this day, he has NEVER been defensive when I have asked questions or when I tell him I’m hurting. He will tell you that he is willing to spend the rest of his life working to rebuild my trust if that’s what it takes. Isn’t that amazing?
I mentioned that Chris only worked at the home improvement store for 18 months. His length of time there was only cut short by the new role that Craig offered him at LifeChurch.tv. And within a year of his new position there, he’d be leading the same campus where he fell some two and half years earlier. Talk about kicking Satan in the… I’m sorry, did I say that out loud?
We are not at the end. The restoration is progressing, but not over. We still have our days where it hurts. Days where we re-live it when others go through a similar situation. Days where we have to explain to our 8-year old why he has a brother who is not his mother’s child. And the fact that we have an amazing relationship with Chris’ son and his mom is nothing short of a modern-day miracle in itself.Come back tomorrow. More good news is on the way.

This is part 3 to this story of how Christ can move within a relationship if you get out of his way and let him! My Word From God
I needed to hear from God. The state of confusion that I lived in at this point in my life was extremely overwhelming. Many wise people in my life were telling me that I didn’t have to make a decision right away, but I couldn’t live with that. Something was calling me to get some clarity.
Noah and I journeyed six hours down I-35 to my childhood home in Georgetown, Texas. I needed someone to take care of us. That someone was my mom. Not only did she play with Noah, which allowed me time to myself, but she cooked for us and cleaned up after us and rented movies for us and took us to eat Mexican food. She’s a terrific mom.
But, she also pestered me a little. She was insistent that I go meet with her pastor, Dan Wooldridge. Because I literally had no strength, I didn’t even put up a fight.
I was surprised how comfortable I was in Dan’s presence. A true shepherd, he listened to my story and watched as tears streamed down my face. I practically begged him to tell me what he thought I should do. He did something better. Here’s what he said:
“I would respect you if you felt that you needed to remove yourself from your marriage. What you’ve endured is very hard. But, you are not a fool to stay and be a part of the redemptive work in a man’s life.”
I was and still am absolutely certain that these were the words coming my Heavenly Daddy disguised in a middle-aged Baptist minister’s voice. I knew it immediately. Nearly six years later and I still remember this quote from him…word for word.
And I’m so glad my mother was a pest

What Now?

Now for part 2 of this 5 part testimony of how Jesus can restore a marriage! What Now? Within thirty minutes, a couple of our pastors came over to our house. Their attempts to even speak were futile. I was crying, Chris was scared for his life and they sat across from us hoping they’d wake up soon. After learning the news, they left and I was alone with my husband. I hated him and I loved him and I didn’t want him near me and I wanted him to hold me. I wanted details and he reluctantly shared them. I wanted dates but he could not supply them. I wanted to know why he did this to me…to us. For that, he had an answer.
Pornography.
Seriously? I thought he struggled with looking at a few naked girls from time to time on the internet. I thought he wasn’t struggling with this very much anymore. I thought we were communicating fairly well on this subject. I thought that’s why he met with his accountability group on Fridays. I thought.
I was married to a full-blown porn addict. He explained that simply viewing images of naked women no longer appealed to him. He needed something more. His sickness grew and grew and gave birth to more repulsive desires. Eventually, after years of progression, this sin completely entangled him and he acted out.
As you can imagine, my husband’s resignation was forthcoming. Had he been employed in the corporate world, that wouldn’t have been necessary. But a pastor at a church? (You do the math.) His resignation brought even more death to my broken heart. Not only was our marriage deeply wounded and more than likely beyond repair, my ministry was lost, too. I would no longer be singing on the stage that had become my home in ministry for the past several years. No longer would I be pouring into mentoring relationships with women. Now, I was the one who needed to be ministered to. This role was not something I was accustomed to at all.
Next to our marriage being absolutely torn to shreds, the most devastating part was trying to go about some semblance of a life for the heart of our 3-year old. I tried to hide my tears from him but that was a feat far too difficult to perfect. One day he walked in on me when I was crying and said, “Why you so sad fo mommy?”
What in the world was I supposed to do.

The day everything changed Chapter 1.......

This is part 1 of a five day series of one Woman and one Man's story of how a marriage was rebuilt by faith and trust in CHIST JESUS! I hope this story rocks your world it made me weep when I read it! Check back tomorrow as I post Chapter2 of Cindy Beall's story! Knee deep in boxes at 217 Brackendale Lane, I heard the front door open. The jiggle of the doorknob was a familiar sound, for I knew the entrance of my husband was soon to follow. Inching my way through a small pathway in between many boxes, I looked up and saw the face of the man I married nine years ago. Chris walked toward me and asked if we could “talk”. The look on his face said enough - something was wrong.
After getting our oldest son, Noah, settled with a Blue’s Clues video, Chris motioned me toward the newly-purchased sofa that had arrived just twenty-four hours before as we began our new life in a new town.
He began by confessing that he had numerous affairs with numerous women from numerous places. My heart began to palpitate while I listened to him. I heard the cracking of my heart as he spoke and felt the devastation setting in almost immediately. As if that information was not enough to handle, he also informed me that one of the women was pregnant, and he was pretty sure the baby was his child.
You have got to be kidding me.
I’m quite certain that Webster does not have one word that could have even come close to describing my immediate state of mind and heart condition.
Bewildered. Stunned. Shocked. Overwhelmed.Befuddled. Floored. Jolted. Nauseated. Sickened.Disturbed. Crushed. Dismayed. Paralyzed.Pissed off.
Nope, none of those work. The truth is that I still can’t tell you to this day how I felt in those first few moments.
What I can tell you is that I was keenly aware that my world as I knew it was forever changed. I woke up that morning a relatively comfortable housewife and stay-at-home mom, and within a couple of hours I became a seriously damaged woman.
As one might imagine, my mind began to race with all sorts of one-word questions. What? When? Where? And of course, an all-time favorite question asked by thousands when thrown into an unwanted circumstance – Why?
I guess I need to tell you the stinger in all of this. Up until the day my husband confessed his adultery, he was a pastor at our church.
This is where your jaw drops, your eyes get big, and you might even say, “What the…?”
I began to ask questions.
Why in the world would my husband choose to do this? We both made vows to forsake all others for the rest of our lives. I had kept my vows. He had not.
Why did you need other women?Wasn’t I enough?Why so many?Were you in love with any of them?Where did it happen?When did it happen?What did you do with them?What did they do to you?How many times?Did it happen in our home?Did it happen in our bed?Do I mean anything to you?Was it all a farce?Did our ministry mean anything?How did you lead others to Jesus while you were living this life on the side?
He knew those questions would be coming and as I asked, he simply sat there and cried.
After gaining some composure, he assured me that it wasn’t my fault. He told me that he loved me and found me attractive. He told me that I was a great wife. He said he loved being married to me. He told me that he never loved any of the women. He told me that his relationship with Jesus was real and that he did love the teenagers to whom we ministered.
Then why on earth would you risk what we have to be with someone else?
He replied, “Because I’m addicted to pornography.”

Shocked but Blessed!

Hello and I hope your morning is going great! I had a heck of a day yesterday and I want to talk about it this morning! I work in Manufacturing at Bosch which supplies parts for the big 3... yeah you automatically think slow work because their aren't anyone buying cars! Yesterday I went in to work and as soon as I clocked in my boss walked up with a sad look on his face and said walk with me! He then went on to tell me everything about the business and then he said today will be your last day! So it hit hard, I'm let go without any warning as so many have been all over this nation! I have to admit walking around and saying my good bye's was very hard! Then the ride home was full of weeping! It happened so fast! I have 2 kids and a wife and now no job! But I am in peace about the whole situation! On the way home I was listening to Hillsong "fall at your feet" and it was so awesome the peace that came over me! Then I began to inform my family and group of friends about my job loss and the support I have is unbelievable! Then last night a lady I love so much as a friend and one of my leaders in the children's ministry at church reminded me of Philippians 4:6 and wow that rocked me to the core! You know I realize times are tough for everyone and I pray that Jesus comforts those who have lost jobs! You see Jesus Christ said he would never leave nor forsake those who trust and believe in him! To all those out there wondering where to find answers JESUS. To those out there who are hurting and depressed you will find healing in JESUS. For all those out there jobless and fill like giving up turn to the one that created you JESUS. For all those out there looking for Love, Trust, Hope, and most of all a relationship that will never die turn to JESUS! Now for a prayer in closing "Dear Lord Jesus first I say Thank You for being my lord and my saviour. Father I pray for those who have lost jobs, I pray for those folks out there who feel like giving up on life that you would reach down and draw them to you. Jesus thank you for everything you have did for me and everything you are going to do. Give me wisdom and knowledge to continue to minister to the lost! Draw people to you and use your people to reach those who feel unreachable! Thank You for giving me life. In the name of Jesus I ask all things AMEN!

WOW GOD IS GOOD!!

Had to share this story God is so POWERFUL enjoy!By: Anita Martinez
I am only 27 years old, but I have been through some of the most traumatizing events for an average person of this age. It started when I was 19 years old and married my first husband. I can't put my finger on what went wrong, or what I did wrong, per say, but the marriage was never a healthy one. My ex-husband drank heavily and stayed out many nights, sometimes never coming home without so much as a phone call. I can recall being hysterical (and pregnant), calling friend's houses, hospitals, jails, etc...looking for him. I knew one day I would hear a knock at the door, or a phone call to confirm my worst nightmare - that he was involved in a drinking and driving accident, or worse, that he had injured or killed an innocent person. I was at the point where I just lost all respect for him and my marriage. I started going out to bars, and meeting all kinds of men...married men too. The first affair I had was with a married man, and we continued to see each other just about every other weekend after that. Not once did I have any remorse for what I was doing to his wife, my husband, or anybody. The affairs didn't end with this person, but a total of ten affairs with different men. I thought I was in love with one of these men, and became pregnant with his child. He didn't want anything to do with me after that, much less a child. So, what does any ignorant, selfish woman in my situation do? She takes the cowardly way out - and has an abortion. I'll tell you, the devil was on a role now. What was going through my mind at the time - I'll give you one guess. The devil was controlling my mind, body and soul and had me convinced that this was the only way to get even. Who was having the last laugh now???? HE WAS! Not me!!! While all this was going on, my ex and I finally decided to separate. I packed a few things that night and headed toward the front door, with bags in hand. That would be the last time I would ever see my husband carrying my baby girl in his arms...at least standing. The next morning, I received word that he had been in a car accident and that he was in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital, and when I finally got there, about 20 pairs of eyes were glaring my way....as if to say, "What kind of wife/mother are you!!!" That's when I heard the news that he had been thrown from his vehicle and could not feel his legs! It actually turned out that he became paralyzed from the chest down, which made it even more difficult. I left the room because I thought I was gonna pass out, and at the same time, they were wheeling him out of the ER room. He looked up at me, and I at him, and all I could say was..."Don't worry, baby, everything is gonna be OK." He never replied, but just looked away from me. You can imagine all the guilt, and pain I was suffering from. However, none of it amounted to the pain and suffering he was about to face for the rest of his life. Since then, my ex and I have divorced, and are living better lives. I will not make excuses for either of us, we simply weren't strong enough in the Lord to fight our demons at the time. Through the grace of God, I have been forgiven of my past, and cleansed of all my sins. I felt for a long time that I was not worthy of forgiveness and that I should accept my fate. I know now who was lying to me that whole time. I can feel God's peace in my heart and not a day goes by that I don't thank him for that.
To YOU Lord: Thank you, Lord, for rescuing me. I promise to serve you, and to do your bidding. I know I am not worthy of your mercy, but you gave it to me anyway. I will love you and no other, and none equal to you. Educate me to teach others your way according to your Word. Help me to understand your teachings, and to pass that on to people who need your guidance as I did and still do! I know that I will never be PERFECT for there was only one perfect person in this world and that was our Lord Jesus Christ, but I will try my best. Also, I pray for my ex-husband who will ALWAYS have a place in my heart, that he will someday be healed and "walk" with YOU in this life and the next. In Jesus name, Amen and Amen.

I No Longer Have To Prove Myself

By: Patricia Fennell I hope you enjoy this testimony of how Christ can RADICALLY change someones LIFE!
"I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." -- Galatians 2:20



This past week I had opportunity to go to one of my favorite places to have coffee in the morning - Panera's in the local RiverTown Crossings Mall in Wyoming, Michigan. Having once had a job that I went to every morning for the past five years, I always went to Panera's to have my morning coffee and time to just read. That, and I came to know many folks that visit the place as regularly as I did, and I miss them.

While sitting there in my favorite spot, a lady came up to me and said, "I don't know if you remember me but you use to work for Arby's and I came in all the time." My face lit up. I knew who this lady was and we briefly played catch-up. Then as she and her now grown daughter began to leave, I thanked her for taking the time to stop and say "Hi" to me.
There was a time (especially while growing up) I strongly desired not to be forgotten. It was so important that when I left my life here on earth, I especially did not want to be forgotten ... even if I never made any major contribution to society or had lived some fantastic life according to the world's standard of achieving "success" or "fame." Growing up -- never fully being "loved and accepted" -- feeling more like I was more of a hindrance than a blessing to my parents ... it was hard for me to know what my value really was.

Over the years I involved myself in things that gave me a certain amount of value and then identified myself (value) through my marriage, my children, etc. Then people would remember who I was, I felt.
I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart at age thirteen, yet didn't really knowing Him, and who I am in Him. I was always searching for ways in which I would not be forgotten by those who I loved, whether I was at church, work, home, friends or family outings and the like.

In just this past year the truth and reality of who I am in Christ, that it is not "I" who lives, but Christ who lives in me, has become such a revelation to me. "He kept me as the apple of His eye." (Deu. 32:10). I no longer have to prove myself -- He loves me no matter what! I am accepted in the Beloved. More and more as I grow closer in my relationship with my heavenly Father, I want Him to be remembered - represented - not me. Giving up my rights to myself for His rights to live in me, and live His life through me.

I was out grocery shopping yesterday with my oldest daughter, Sarah, and we ran into a gentleman at the check-out stand (again someone I once knew) who I hadn't seen in several years, and I said "Hi" and we chatted. As we left, Sarah said, "I can't go anywhere with you where you don't run into someone who knows you or visa verse!"
I shared with my daughter that no longer matters anymore about who does or does not know me ... but it's all about knowing Christ who lives in me. Placing and keeping my focus on Him gives me great peace because I no longer have to be concerned about me, myself and I. I may be taking baby steps at this point in my life, but I am pressing forward, and that is a miracle in itself!

Christ will be remembered long after I am gone. He is still alive today. Oh is He ever! When I go to be with Him in my eternal home, I can only hope and pray that I left more of Him behind in this earthly world ... than me.
"Christ in me, the hope of glory" -- Colossians 1:27

I am His,

Patricia